After stating how challenging life is, I would like to share some ways that have helped me overcome challenges when they come my way and not only that, but also attain mental health. I will explore more ways in future articles but firstly, I will begin with delaying gratification.

Delaying gratification means to me that we schedule the pain and pleasure of life in such a way that we enhance the pleasure by meeting and experiencing the pain first.

Most of us have developed enough capacity to delay gratification to get through school and university. We have had to forgo that night out or that movie we so badly wanted to watch at that time in order to finish up a project or study for that test, that is, we have had to give up something that is instantly pleasurable for something less pleasurable in hopes for something more pleasurable in the future.

This is a problem-solving technique and despite having used it so many times in school, our development still tends to be imperfect and incomplete. That is, our ability to solve life’s problems is still imperfect and incomplete.

Throughout most of my schooling career I have always considered myself to be an average learner, especially in mathematics and analytical subjects. I could get better grades in non-mathematical subjects with relative ease and for some time I considered myself a mathematical idiot.

That was until one day a teacher helped me solve a mathematical problem. Feeling stunned by the relative simplicity in which he solved the problem, I jokingly made this remark; “I sure do admire you, you just do it so easily” to which he replied “you can do it too Mbali, only if you take the time”.

This came almost as a validation to a thought I had earlier, I had been seeking improvement and had considered that I would probably do myself good by allocating my time in such a way that I dedicate more time to my schoolwork.

As willpower would have it, I did begin to dedicate more time to my studies and overtime I got better and even great at mathematics and accounting. And there I was, a master mathematician and accountant! *Lol*

Actually, I don’t begin to have the knowledge nor the willpower to gain the knowledge to become or classify myself as an accountant or a mathematician, given the fact that I choose to concentrate my time on non-accounting and non-mathematical theory and practice.

However, I have since then known that I am not cursed or genetically defective or otherwise mentally incapacitated in any way that renders me unable to solve analytical maths problems, and I know that I and anyone who is not mentally defective can solve these problems if we are willing to take the time. I believe this goes for many of life’s intellectual, spiritual, and social problems.

Running away from problems only increases the distance from the solution, the easiest way to escape a problem is to solve it.

Rishika Jain

The inclination to ignore problems extends beyond academics and it is how many adults go about with day-to-day living. Because of many different reasons, many of us do not take the time necessary to analyse and solve our problems.

As I have stated in the previous article, confronting problems is painful, frustrating, and not easy. We therefore skirt around them, pretend they do not exist, procrastinate in hopes that they will go away of their own accord, we sometimes unhealthily take substances that can assist us in ignoring the problems, so that by deadening ourselves to the pain we can forget the problems that cause the pain.

However, the substitute always becomes the problem, that is, the procrastination and the unhealthy intake of substances becomes the bigger problem, and brings about more pain than the initial pain it was designed to avoid.

According to Dr Scott Peck, the inclination to ignore problems is a contributing factor to mental illness. He argues that when we avoid the pain that comes from dealing with our problems, we also avoid the growth that problems demand from us and it is because of this reason that in chronic mental illness patients stop growing and become stuck.

Confronting problems is an act of delaying gratification because as I have mentioned, it is not easy, nor is it convenient or painless. It means to put aside something pleasant or less painful for something more painful. However, we can be assured that we will find growth in this process, and we will, if we choose, be better off.

Therefore, let us instill in ourselves the means to achieving personal growth and mental health(More of which I will explore in later articles.) Let us understand that problems and pain have a job to do and that it is in this process of confronting and solving these problems that we grow. Indeed, challenges are a means to human evolution.

Of course, in reality problems are not always that simple to solve as was my maths and accounting dilemma. There are problems that border between a rock and a hard place, and there are certainly problems that we have no control over, those that can’t be altered by a behavioural change on our behalf.

Of those matters that are within our capacity solve, may we have the courage to accept the responsibility of solving them.

Of the matters that are beyond our human capacity to solve, may we find it in ourselves to accept our impotence, and come to an understanding that life will be a result of our own efforts and those of God. That we simply can’t have control over all things.

Above all, may we be better able to discern between the two and strike a perfect balance of assuming responsibility over our lives while also trusting in God and His way. This is indeed a happy way to live!

Mbali xx