What better way to begin… The most uncomfortable thing. Lol, I hope this does not scare you away but since this is a self-help blog, I do want to set the tone. This is not instagram-like and herein I wish to discuss real life problems, that affect real people in a real way, and not very superficial.

Life is difficult. This is a great truth, one of the greatest truth. It is a great truth because once we truly see this truth, we transcend it. Once we truly know that life is difficult, once we truly understand and accept it, then it is no longer difficult. Because once it is accepted, the fact that it is difficult no longer matters.

What makes life difficult is that it poses a series of problems, and the process of confronting and solving problems is a painful one, often as painful as any sort of physical pain. Problems, depending on their nature evoke in us feelings of frustration, anger, anxiety, stress, and despair. However, it is in this process of meeting and solving problems that life finds it’s meaning. It is only through problems that we grow mentally and spiritually.

When I was only 14 years old I lost my dad to a very gruesome car accident, the news came with deep anguish to me and left me in total despair. I had never imagined that death would unceremoniously bang down our door and take the life of someone who was so dear to me. At the time, it felt like my world was ending. I was already going through so much pain, how could life kick me when I was already down? That year it felt like life was a friend who had once been so kind and suddenly grabbed a knife and carved a hole straight on to my heart. It didn’t even have the decency to atleast do it in my back.

The pain was so bold, so pure, and I didn’t believe that I could descend further. This, however, became a focal point and a catalyst to me becoming better, not the loss but the pain inherent in it. It felt like I was a structure that had been carrying more load than it had the strength for and suddenly, inevitably collapsed, and the only option was to rebuild and redefine myself. I’m grateful though, because for perhaps the first time in my life I was forced to deal with all the problems and pain I had swept under the rug for so long, I had been depressed and drifting through life prior, with little to no direction and quite a nihilistic outlook. I hardly believed in anything.

Eventually, with the help of psychotherapy and a good support structure, I began to be better than I ever was before, indeed, I became happier and my life began to improve in all aspects. I began to accept life’s challenges and even challenge myself, the pain was uncomfortable, but I knew that the growth inherent in them would be to my benefit. A fundamental lesson was learnt, that problems don’t go away, they must be confronted and worked through or else they remain, forever a barrier to the growth and development of our spirit. I’m grateful that the experience made me gravitate more towards God and encouraged the growth of my spirit.

The progress didn’t happen instantly, the journey to good mental health took months, it is hardly ever a brief process and sometimes it must be worked on over a lifetime. Life wasn’t smooth sailing even after that, I am still learning to not be discouraged whenever I’m faced with problems, learning to gather enough courage to face all of them, unlearning old habits that were great at some point in time but are detrimental now, growth is indeed a lifelong and arduous task and not a destination to be arrived at but it is the only decent way to live. I believe a full life is one that is full of pain since pain and discomfort are an inherent part of growth, but the only alternative is to not live fully or not live at all.

I do not mean to say that life must be a dreadful and sad journey with nothing but pain, I quite frankly believe the very opposite, that it must be enjoyed and that we should all be happy, not pretend to be happy, but actually happy. however, I do believe that happiness and problems are not mutually exclusive, true happiness transcends all our problems and the pain that they come with. It is very possible for us to be happy despite our problems.

Life poses a series of problems and I don’t begin to think that they are meant to just break us or else I would be conceding to the notion that life is a bad thing that should’ve never happened with no meaning at all but just to break us, which is not true. I do believe that problems were designed to help us be better people and grow. It is human to feel anxious, scared, discouraged when faced with problems but ultimately they serve a much more meaningful purpose than just to inflict pain, they help us grow and be happier.

The truth is that our finest moments are most likely to occur when we are feeling deeply unhappy, uncomfortable and unfulfilled. For it is only in such moments, propelled by our discomfort, that we start searching for different ways or truer answers.

Mbali Tshabalala,

xoxo

The writing in this peace is greatly inspired by my favourite author Scott Peck. I also used many of his quotables. Please check out his work, it has enriched my life, and I’m sure it can do the same for you!

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